Here We Go Again

I went to the doctor today for day 3 follicle scan and blood work. We are going to try injectibles with Clomid and then do an IUI or timed intercourse depending when things fall. The days that we would possibly do an IUI fall on days when we work opposite schedules so we would miss work. I am trying not to think about that right now because chances are we wont get to that point. We tried a protocol using Femera and Bravelle about a year ago and it did not produce mature follicles and we could not do an IUI so I am not really expecting this protocol of Clomid and Follistim to do much either. Many would ask then why bother???? I am not really sure except to say that I have not ovulated in the past year so I figure we might as well try something. Ultimately I think that we will have to do IVF. However I am not really willing to pay $15000 for that procedure until I know the much cheaper options will not work. Anyway I guess I should think more positive but I just want to be realistic and hope for the best. Right now my goal is simply to ovulate. I would see that as success.

At the doctor's office today I had to have a few different ultrasounds. THe first one I had was a normal one and I had to have a full bladder which was the worst part of the day. After that I had a trans vaginal ultrasound and then a physical exam. I also had to get bloodwork done to make sure that the Metformin has not caused any problems with my liver or other organs. After all of that I sat down with a nurse and she explained the plan that we would be following and answered any questions I had.

The plan:
Take 100mg Clomid for 5 days starting today


June 2 HSG- This will check to make sure that my tubes are not blocked. If they are then we cannot do an IUI. Blocked Tubes would just be the icing on the cake to this whole situation. I would know for sure that IVF would be my only option. Anyway I will also start 75 ui of Follistim this day. I will also take and antibiotic and pain killer for the HSG.

Follistim


Doxycycline-antibiotic


Toradol-painkiller


I will continue to take the antibiotic for a few days and then on June 4th I will start Using a Clear Blue Easy Ovulation Predictor kit. This will be a new experience so I will let you know how that goes. June 5th I will go in for a follicle scan to see if anything is growing. I will probably take more Follistim that day. We will see. If the follicles dont seem to be growing by June 9th the cycle will be canceled. It may seem that I am being negative thinking this will not work but I just want to know what the plan is. The last time that I had planned to do an IUI I was totally caught off guard when the RE canceled the cycle when I thought I was just going in to see how things were progressing. That was really hard for me so hopefully I will be prepared for this

Clear Blue Easy Ovulation Predictor Kit:


I think that is all for now. I also have a trigger shot but I will post a picture of that later. Hopefully I will get to use it!!!!

Last Day of School

Well now that I have worked out I am in a much better mood to write this post. Today was the last day of school for the year. Yipppeeee. I love teaching but I am definitely ready for a much needed break. However in two weeks I will be back teaching my students at summer school. On the upside it is only half days four days a week. Even though today was exciting because it was the last day of the year it was not the best for me in regards to infertility. I took some major blows today. Blow #1---We started out the day at school by having a baby shower for one of the teachers I work with. It wasn't too bad and I am very happy for this person but what gets me is when people ask me if I am going to be next. Ughhh Mind your business people. It is hard to describe the feeling that I feel when I know I want this so badly but I have not been able to do anything to change it. Blow #2---- I work with emotionally disturbed students that have some major behavior issues so I have a teacher assistant that works with me...well guess what she told me today that she is pregnant. I am also very happy for her but it was tough to swallow. Like I said at the beginning of this post I just worked out and that made me feel better about my day. As far as feeling luck about today I do feel that this entire process has made me a stronger person that is able to control my emotions. It took strength today not to break down bawling like an idiot at my place of employment. I see that as success.

School is almost out!!!

I am a special education teacher and we are almost finished with school. Our last day is Friday!!!! I am so ready for a two week break and then I will be teaching summer school for the month of June. We are going to look into some treatments this summer. We are not sure what we will be doing but should have it figured out in the next couple of weeks. I am currently taking Prometrium 3xs a day to start my cycle. I am anticipating that Day 1 will be next Monday. This should be an interesting summer with the treatments.

Borrowed from another blogger....

A Mom Wannabe

By Alison Kathleen Whitney

I want to be a Mom. But I can't. Instead, I am a Mom Wannabe.

I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child, naturally, with my
husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion,
in the way God intended. But I can't.

I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a
pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see a + sign. I want to cry
tears of joy for the news we'd discovered. But I can't. Instead, I cry
tears of pain at random, for no reason and with no warning.

I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire.
I want the "pregnant glow". I want to have my husband talk to my belly.
But I can't. Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance
clothes for next year, "just in case". I try to keep my emotions from
going haywire. I dream that my husband talks to my belly.

I want to take prenatal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to
schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with
other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't.
Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving.
I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I
smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never
met.

I want to hear the doctor say "You're Pregnant. Your progress is right
on schedule." But I can't. I want to surprise my parents with a new
grandchild. I want to tell my friends and family our good news. I want
my life to change overnight. I want to read "What to Expect When You're
Expecting". But I can't. Instead, I have no news to tell. I realize my
life hasn't changed in years. I read "When Empty Arms become a Heavy
Burden".

I want to monitor the progress. I want to see ultrasounds. I want to
hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the
kicks, but I can't. I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof
our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to
shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. Instead, I
imagine a crib in an empty room down the hall. I avoid baby stores in
the mall. We spend our money on doctor's appointments, tests and
high-tech procedures. We spend our money on a dream. We are left with an
empty bank account. We are left with empty arms.

I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to
compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But
I can't. Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their
bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a
good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in
front of my eyes.

I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions.
I want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in the
waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the
cry. But I can't. Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry.
Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever
imagined.

I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our
faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking "We did it",
but knowing that God did it. But I can't. Instead, I hold my husband in
my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wondering what
God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this.

I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And
I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope this time He
answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray
that someday soon He will give it to us.

I want to be a mom, but I can't. Instead, I am right where God wants me
to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in
His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in
status...

Yesterday was Jennifer's (my sister) graduation for her master's degree. I was very fun to go down to the college where I went for undergrad. I also met my husband there and my youngest sister goes there now. You could say that we are a Southeast Missouri State University family. It is kinda neat that we have all gone there. I am very proud of my sister. She has worked very hard to be a Speech Language Pathologist.

The title of this blog is "We Are the Lucky Ones". Yesterday was a great example of how we are the lucky ones. I am so thankful that we have a family that is focused on education. However there was an instance yesterday where I thought about Mitch having kids and how it would be neat for them to go there. This did bring on some sadness. TO add salt to the wound I saw a friend who's younger sister just had a baby. I am sure that this has been a happy occasion for the family I really to feel sadness for them and consider myself the lucky one. This girl that had the baby is a freshman in college and has had to drop out of school to care for her child. I am so lucky that I did not have to go through that. I know that when we do have children the timing will be right and we will be prepared mentally and financially to care for our children.

Blogging........Let's give this a shot

Well I have read many blogs and thought I might as well give this a shot. I have been journaling about our infertility journey for quite sometime, but it seems that typing will be much quicker and maybe someone that reads this will get something from it. Since our blog is titled "We are the lucky ones" I thought that I should explain that a little bit. My husband and I have been married for 3 years this month. We have been trying to have a baby since then. I have PCOS and have had female issues my entire adolescent life so I knew getting pregnant would be difficult for me. I feel we are lucky because this whole process has made us better people and we will be better parents after going through all of this.