Adoption-not yet

I have requested information on adoption. Not that I am anywhere near ready to do that. I just wanted to get some information to look over. The newsletter I was sent had the following in it.

Infertility is not fair! It is heartbreaking, and it affects you spiritually and emotionally! The dream you had of marriage and then kids has been shattered. These are what I have hated and still sometimes hate about infertility:
• Seeing just one pink line each month on the pregnancy test, instead of two
• Hearing the never-ending question: “When are ya’ll going to have kids?”
• Hearing that you can not do a good job in children’s ministry or as a teacher because you do not have children of your own
• Attending baby dedications or infant baptisms
• Living through another Mother’s Day
• Going to Babies R Us
• Being told to “just adopt” and feeling bad because you do not feel led to do it
• Hearing the news that one of your friends or family members is pregnant. On one hand you are excited for them, but on the other hand your heart breaks because you wish it were you. Then you feel bad for not feeling absolutely excited for your loved ones, and then you beat yourself up for being selfish.
• Feeling like you must have some BIG SIN in your life. Why else would you not be pregnant?
• Feeling like you are a science experiment
• Having the most private parts of your body be on display for countless doctors, nurses, and even pre-med students
• Taking vitamins, hormones, and shots
• Doubting your faith and wondering where God is in all of this struggle
• Seeing the “I’m so sorry” look in the nurse’s eyes as she tells you again that you are not pregnant
• Crying in the Wal-Mart checkout line as you buy your “supplies” for your monthly gift
• Hearing another woman say, “We weren’t even trying!”
• Having your arms ache to hold a child
• Hearing people tell you to “just relax, and it will just happen.”
The biggest change in my relationship with the Lord that happened during my infertility journey was that my love for God is now based on WHO HE IS and not on what He gives me!
Even though I have a child now—through the help of hormones, shots, and treatment—my heart still aches. Because now that my daughter is 18 months old, the questions are coming again: “When are you going to have another one?”
Through my struggle with infertility, the words of Matt Redman’s song, “You Never Let Go” helped me find comfort in the Lord. My favorite line is “still I will praise you, still I will praise you!”
Today as we sang the song in church, God reminded me of the lessons of grace, mercy, and faithfulness that He had already taught me. So today I can again say, “Still I will praise you, LORD !”

Back to Work

After a much needed Christmas Break I headed back to work yesterday. The kids seem excited to be back and it is nice to have a routine again. I just sleep in too much when I don't have to work. I have also been exercising more. Yesterday and today I walked before and after school. I have also been trying to eat healthier. We will see how it goes. I always do well for a while and then get off track. Let's hope for the best.

Whirlwind

I hope the weather does not indicate what 2011 will be like. We had severe weather here in St. Louis today. What a difference a week makes. Christmas Eve- we had about 6 inches of snow and the temperature was in the teens. New Year's Eve- Temperatures in the 60s and tornadoes. It has been a crazy day. Our house and nearby houses are fine but houses and churches just 15 minutes away are totally destroyed. My parents live just 5 minutes away from one of the places that got hit really bad. Their house is fine and my mom said that it really did not rain or storm that much at their house. So far there have not been any deaths as a result of this storm. (Thank goodness!!)

My sister headed back to Florida yesterday. I am sad she is gone. I miss her but she will be back in March for her wedding shower.

Eating lunch at a Mexican restaurant

I have been reading blogs and it seems like most people do not want to make new years resolutions and want to slow down in life and not worry about the little things. I think I am going to adopt this way of thinking. I am normally very organized, and worry about things. I am going to try to not worry about things as much and just take things in stride (this will be very hard for me).


I hope you all have a Happy New Year and Be Safe!!!!

Holiday Festivities

I hope that I do not bore you with this post. It is just an outline of what we have done the past few days. 


December 23, 2010
On Thursday we had Christmas with my family. Since my dad works for the highway department and they were calling for snow we figured he would have to work overnight Christmas Eve so we had Christmas before the snow hit.

My sister Julie and our dogs

My sisters and I

Christmas Eve

 

 This is what we woke up to on Christmas Eve here in Missouri. Since Mitch had to work I decided that I was not going out in the snow to go to my aunt for dinner. Well the snow slowed and I decided that I was going to head out. By the time I got ready it was snowing again but I had made up my mind that I was going so... I went. It was a slow drive but and hour and a half later I made it to my aunts house (normally only takes 40 mins).

Some of us on Christmas Eve

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Day and Today with my husbands family

Emma and Zach

Logan

Mitch and I

We had a wonderful time with our family during the holidays and we are very thankful for them!

Random Post

I had another snow (ICE) day today. It has been nice to have an easy work week and some time off at home. I can't say that I have accomplished much but it has been nice to have some time to reflect on the the holidays. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how much I want to have children. It is hard on days when I am sitting at home thinking of all of the fun things we could be doing on snow days. If I had kids I would wake up and make a big breakfast for us, we could bake cookies, stay in our pajamas, watch movies, and play in the snow. I have told myself many times today that I know God has a plan for us. I know he is waiting until the right time to give us children. (I refuse to let myself think that it is in his plan that we do not have children) We were raised Catholic and our parents took us to church every Sunday when we were growing up but since we have been married we have not made it a priority to go to church. When we do go I feel like I get something out of it and I feel better after we go. We just need to go more often.

Lately, I have been thinking about people who have lost children since last Christmas. A girl that I knew in high school lost her baby to SIDS right after Christmas last year. I just think about the pain she must be going through. My dad's cousin also lost her daughter in April. She was 7 an was hit by a truck while riding her bike. Her mom, dad, and brother are still having a terrible time dealing with what happened. I cannot imagine going through this pain. Please pray for these families this holiday season.

Snow Days

Guess I am headed to bed. It does not look like we will get another snow day tomorrow....maybe on Wednesday. I am giving my TA a baby shower bright and early.

Cookie Bake Off 12-4-2010

Every year we get together at my aunt's house to bake cookies.

Grandma

Mom